…before you can Win

The toughest tests often teach us the most important lessons. This was certainly the case of how I learned to surrender. I used to believe that if you wanted something enough and willing to sacrifice enough then anything was attainable. The notion of surrender; incomprehensible.

My years competing taught me that I was not the most athletic, nor the most gifted fighter but I was often the hardest worker. I knew I was willing to go places others wouldn’t and dig deep within myself. Anyone who has been around sport will be aware of the importance of hard work regardless of natural ability. We had the saying “hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard”.

It’s this kind of mindset that allows ordinary people to achieve extraordinary goals. But when this mindset is applied to anything outside our sphere of control (which is everything except our perspective and actions) it can have damaging consequences. It’s taken me a long time to understand this and implement it in my life. I now find myself in a balance between concerted effort and complete surrender.

I’ve learned to recognise that banging your head against a wall only gets you a headache. Surrender in this instance doesn’t mean defeat, but stepping away from the wall and looking for the door.

Getting tattooed is a great way to experience this. You can fight against the pain and resist it but this only adds frustration which leads to suffering. By accepting that there will be pain and surrendering to it does not take the pain away. But nor does it add to it. It does however stop the suffering.

Below is an excerpt from Richard’s account of getting his Blackwork bodysuit from me. A project spanning over years, it’s been illuminating to see Richard continue to grow and evolve.

“The blacking in on further days was a test of endurance. I do need to point out that I’m not very good with pain so was moving around and making noises to try to express that I was in pain. Hanumantra managed to work around me, making sure the goal of producing a magnificent piece of art was met. Over time I got a bit better at tolerating the pain, as I worked out that my goal was to relax as much as possible and focus on reducing the pain rather than expressing that it hurt.” Richard.

This is a perfect example of how accepting the pain of a tattoo and surrendering to the process can actually mitigate the pain itself. I remind myself in these instances that it is just something happening to me and not actually part of me.

When I create a tattoo my entire focus is on producing the best work I’m capable of that day. Hopefully, this fulfils or exceeds any expectation that my client has. But there’s the first hurdle, I’m not in control of what expectations they have. To try and manage this I am very honest and upfront about how I work and why. But this is still subject to interpretation by the person reading/hearing it. All I am capable of is my best, then I must surrender to the outcome.

Once the tattoo is complete I will often share a picture online to promote the work I produce and the quality I’m capable of. With the picture online I have more chance of conjuring  a rabbit from a hat than influencing someone’s response to my work. I waste no time ruminating, analyzing or interpreting the likes and comments on a picture. These are out of my control and therefore have no bearing or direction on the work I produce.

When I talk about surrender, I’m not referring to giving up but rather accepting the variables of life we cannot control. If we look at the UFC champion Khabib Nurmagomedov, he has maintained a perfect record (29 wins 0 losses) by working hard and imposing his will on each opponent. He’s also a devote Muslim and acknowledges that his fortune is God willing. He did everything he was able to do in the build-up to a fight, but the victory was never in his control. He surrenders to the will of his God.

So whether getting tattooed, going through a breakup or just having a tough run of it at the moment. Remember, to surrender to your own will is very different from that of another’s. Courage is not an endpoint but rather an intermediate one between cowardice and foolhardy. It’s not uncommon for someone to appear brave outwardly, whilst being spurred on by fear within. A fear that others will judge them weak, a failure or unworthy should they act in accordance with who they are. To live a life driven by the approval of other people is to live in constant fear.

There’s a strength to those who can surrender to themselves before they’re defeated.

 “Try something different – surrender.” Rumi

Further reading: Read how I used the ability to surrender and maximised my time in lockdown HERE